


Eyes Only For You (Extended Scene Version)

by MariekoWest



Series: DragonBall(☆)Retro [3]
Category: Dragon Ball Z, GohanxPiccolo
Genre: Angst, Biting & Blood Sucking, Blood Lust, Canon Overhaul, Expletives, F/M, Heartbreak/Unrequited Love, Lime, M/M, NSFW, Not GohanxVidel-Friendly, Other, Sadism, Shounen-ai, Uke Piccolo, Yaoi, ドラゴンボール, ビーデル•サタン, ピッコロ受け, ピッコロ大魔王ＪＲ/ピッコロさん, ブルマ•ブリーフ, ベジータ, 孫悟天, 孫悟飯ＪＲ, 飯Ｐ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-05-27 17:29:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6293362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariekoWest/pseuds/MariekoWest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After everything, could he truly simply move on as a perfectly normal and happy-go-lucky high school teenager? Who and what really happened to Son Gohan three years after Cell. Featuring VidelxGohan & GohanxPiccolo. <b>[4th(?) Revision 2018/02/19]</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Map of   
>  ** DRAGONBALL(☆)RETRO **
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Legend:**  
> 
> 
> **[ !! ]** Has *very* important related events to current story  
>  **[ - ]** Has events related to current story  
>  **[ x ]** Not yet published  
>  **[ .. ]**  In progress  
>  **[ o ]** Complete
> 
> * * *
> 
> **CHRONOLOGY:**
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Don't Smell The Rozealeas" [ o ] **[ - ]**  
>  "Look At the Dark (Mirare Obscura)" [ x ] **[ - ]**  
>  **"Eyes Only For You"** {YOU ARE HERE}  
>  "What Didn't Really Happen" [ .. ] **[ - ]**  
>  "Truer Than Love" [ o ] **[ - ]**  
>  "God Smitten" [ o ] **[ - ]**  
>  "Valentine Scramble" [ .. ] **[ - ]**  
>  "Foreshock" [ x ]  
>  "Upside-Down Inside-Out" [ x ]  
> 
> 
> ### ...

_A purple envelope and a freshly picked tulip…_

_Tucked neatly in-between the pages of one of his most favourite books and sitting on the outside sill of a bolted window…_

_Concealed from the inside by heavy curtains that were spared from the wind’s endless dance…_

_And waiting upon its guest who always came precisely after the room was temporarily vacated by its sole occupant._

**-x-**

 

Son Gohan Jr. couldn’t concentrate.

As always, when he got emotional he acted on impulse. And now, he was having second thoughts on the brashness of his actions.

Some countless weeks prior, he had begun the ritual of writing letters to the one he secretly adored. What started as friendly and casual narratives bordering innocent longings, began to morph into romantic haiku, sonnets, and eventually random cryptic anecdotes of his truest, deepest feelings; but always, _always_  masked as just that; something someone so naïve in matters of the heart could easily perceive as simply that: _prose and poetry._

It was on this particular morning that it all changed - when he carried out what he considered to be the bravest—or stupidest (he wasn’t so sure anymore if there was even a difference)—act of his life. One that required a courage so blinding that all those harrowing battles he had been through seemed benign by comparison. He genuinely felt more welcoming to a rematch with Perfect Cell any day. (Of course, he’d rather he didn’t see Cell in this lifetime or after, ever again. Thank you very much.)

A crisp clunk brought the youth out of his reverie. Their teacher’s droning, the pressing seatwork in front of him, along with the rest of reality came back into focus. Bending down, he picked up the pencil that had rolled off his desk. Settling back into his chair, his mind began to drift off again… Crime-fighting, schoolwork, societal expectations, _more schoolwork_ , adolescent woes, the ever-present matters of the heart, and of late, though not nearly as imperative as his ailing seatwork– _the influx of love letters and love confessions._

The shy and withdrawn youth used to have but a modest share of admirers. But all that changed since news of his accidental act of heroism went viral on campus. What promised to be an uneventful afternoon running errands for his mother turned into the cliché “caught-up-in-a-bank-robbery” day.

On the outside, Gohan obediently mirrored the rest of the hostages down on his knees; arms folded behind his head, mouth duct-taped; complete with the stereotypical smuggled heavy-duty firearm aimed at his skull. On the inside, however, he was racking his brains for a way to transform without being seen, into what the people have dubbed “The Golden Warrior” (which was basically just him in Super Saiyajin mode with a  ***** white makeshift cape over whatever he was wearing for that day). _How, though…?_ He was right smack in the middle of about a dozen civilians, a handful of goons, and security cameras in every corner of the small unobstructed space.

Just as he was considering letting himself get shot as a last resort, one of the glass windows shattered inwards and with it, a boyish, twin-ponytailed girl came crashing in and single-handedly engaged the five masked and heavily armed robbers in combat. It took some moments before Gohan recognized his popular classmate: _Videl Satan, daughter of self-proclaimed celebrity hero, Hercule Satan._ He remembered seeing her in an interview on TV once before, but they all assumed that her crime-fighting escapades were just about as real as Hercule Satan’s publicity stunts. He faintly wondered now if this bank heist was one of their _alleged publicity stunts_ … If that were the case, Gohan mused that they must have upped the ante of their production because this was the most believable and well-orchestrated publicity stunt by far.

Despite his opposition to such lowly tactics, he had to admit that a staged crime was always better than the real thing. Because it meant that the chances of innocent civilians getting hurt were greatly reduced. That would also mean that he didn’t have to worry about stepping in to save the day anymore. This inference was quickly verified as three of the five thugs went down like flies in under a minute, and Gohan allowed his posture to go lax. It seemed that ploy or not, Miss Satan had the situation under control.

The very next instant, however, one of the thugs she had knocked down was back on his feet with a machine gun pointed at her blind spot. Gohan realized with a jolt of panic that Miss Satan was still too preoccupied taking out the rest of the crooks to notice that important detail, and the thug’s finger pressing down on the trigger was getting a little too realistic for comfort. With a muffled squeak of ‘look out!’, he shot bolt upright and his warrior lightning reflexes kicked in – literally. The teenager’s left shoe launches forward with the propelling force of a cannonball. A sickening ‘thwak’ later, the thug crumpled to the floor unconscious; a disturbing amount of blood oozing from what Gohan surmised quite accurately to be a fractured skull. He winced, knowing he had overdone it without meaning to. By the time he looked up, every pair of eyes were on him, including those belonging to the two remaining hoodlums who were too dumbstruck trying to figure out what had happened. Those crucial few seconds were all Videl Satan needed to finish what she had started; soon the gang of crooks were rounded up.

Though the shy teen insisted that it was purely fluke that he managed to knock out one of Miss Satan’s attackers from almost ten metres away with his worn-out shoe (thankful that they eventually attributed the sheer brute strength and accuracy required to do such a feat to fear and adrenaline rush), Hercule Satan nevertheless declared that he deserved to be “rewarded justly” for saving his daughter and helping thwart the bank robbers. Of course, by Hercule Satan terms, that meant sensationalizing the incident in his signature overbearing and pompous way, not wanting in publicity shoots and media coverage; exploiting yet another opportunity to flaunt his bogus generosity as the city’s “number one champion” – and all over again at the young demi-Saiyajin’s expense.

And that– is how all of Gohan’s excess unwanted fame kick-started (pun intended). Which brings us back to the mountain of love letters and queued love confessions…

Given the current state of his muddled affairs, he could’ve chosen to simply ignore it. But since he started leaving his own authored letters snugly concealed in highlighted pages of his favourite books (sometimes with personal sketches or tiny handcrafted presents) for the one he secretly adored, Gohan felt an obligation to attend to those letters addressed to him. A tug at his conscience if you will. Or simply a nagging feeling of being responsible. Though if he were to be completely honest, it was due to something as selfish and stupid as appeasing a superstitious fear that mistreating any of his avid suitors would lead to karma backfiring on him and his own long contemplated full-blown love confession.

And so he vowed to read one letter in the morning and hear one confession after school. Two per school day. It wasn’t so bad. Though considering how the volume of letters and suitors kept piling up, it was blatant precipitance on his part to think that he could devote his equal and just attention to all of it. What was left of his last year at Orange Star ***** Academy would barely cover it, and he dreaded the idea that he’d have to keep at it through college.

So wonder of wonders! how someone already so busy buffeted by woes left and right could still afford to come up with more unnecessary distractions or one  _humongous one—_ like for example, a secret superhero identity—was a mystery to all who knew him; but quite perfectly self-explanatory to the select few who knew him best. Sometimes the best solution was a distraction. And this particular distraction made him feel closer to that which he so direly wanted to be close to but couldn’t at the moment. So the more stressed he got, the more he obsessed over crime-fighting. Every opportunity he got (or forced), he patrolled the city from the shadows as The Golden Warrior, leaving evildoers and lawbreakers rueing in his wake.

One of those late afternoons, a familiar scream reached his ears, north of his current location where he was in the middle of lecturing a juvenile teenager for attempting to pilfer an extra gumball from an outdated Capsule Corporation candy machine, which he quickly forwent to rescue Bloomer from whatever was causing her distress.

“Gohan-kun!” Bloomer wheezed amidst a fit of coughing, clinging to him tighter as he steered clear of the burning machinery, and speedily flew through the window and out of harm’s way.

“Are you alright, Bloomer-san?” Gohan asked worriedly as he set her down.

“Depends. Are you referring to me in general, or my pride?” She stripped off her still smoking lab coat and (a little too) overzealously stomped out the small fires eating at it. “Blasted invention of mine from the future…! That’s the second time I’ve had the engine explode in my face trying to recalibrate it. Thank goodness you happened to be in the area or I would have passed out cold and inhaled all that smoke! It’ll be a day late before Vegeta comes ‘round to save me! And he’ll probably only even find me to complain about how the smoke from my lab explosions leak into ‘his precious’ gravity room.”

Gohan sweat-dropped, a weak titter escaping him. “In that case, you need to be more careful in the future, Bloomer-san.”

“I don’t  _need_ to be careful because  _I am_ _,_ ” she was quick to refute. Then with a twinkle in her eye, she added, “What I _‘need’_ right now… is an assistant to help me clean up the mess.”

 

Precisely an hour later wherein the task of wiping her face of soot and changing into tacky spare work overalls had been accomplished, Gohan had finished helping her tidy up her workspace to have enough room to comfortably sit down for some refreshments.

After some minutes of quietly sipping their drinks (iced lemonade for Gohan and freshly brewed coffee for Bloomer), the teal-haired scientist found herself curiously observing the obviously stressed-out youth as he fidgeted in his chair like an introvert fish out of water.

Gohan was actually praying that Bloomer wouldn’t ask if his mother knew that he was sneaking out doing “reckless things” that Chi-chi wouldn’t approve of him doing in lieu of his studies. And it was in preparation for that very likely unfortunate scenario that Bloomer might ask, that he was currently scouring his brains for a solid defence. Thankfully she took a different avenue of conversation…

“You  _really_  are serious about this superhero business, aren’t you?”

“Oh. Uh, well… I just…” Gohan hung his head, unable to muster any reply that he deemed sensible enough.

“Because if you are,” Bloomer put down her cup. “I think your costume needs work.”

Gohan’s eyes widened at that. He half expected to get an earful about disobeying Chi-chi and was much too choked up with relief that he was mistaken. He laughed, allowing his rigid posture to ease up somewhat.

“I can make you one if you’d like,” Bloomer offered matter-of-factly. “I imagine that white cape is a pain to wash…”

“Y-you really… would…?”

“Well don’t look so shocked! I’m not just brilliant and beautiful, I’m magnanimous too!” She gave him a sassy wink, which easily coaxed a hearty chuckle from him. “So, what would you want it to look like?”

Gohan’s eyes lit up. The truth is, he’s always wanted a costume as cool as Piccolo’s ensemble. He had been fantasizing about it since he came up with the whole superhero gimmick, but just never actually got around to making it (with everything that’s been happening). To have the legendary Bloomer Briefs make his dream costume a reality was the next best thing to nothing that could ever happen to any superhero fantasy.

“Actually…”

Bloomer raised a well-groomed brow despite her generally dishevelled appearance.

“…I made a sketch! Here.” Gohan handed her his  ***** mobile phone, and she took one good look at the image on the screen.

“Okay… Can I tweak it a bit? Or do you want it exactly like this? Green suit, cape, and the helmet with… err, a pair of antennae?”

Gohan’s cheeks tinted in record time as he hung his head again and afforded a feeble nod.

“Hmm… You really still idolize Piccolo after all these years.”

“Piccolo-san is  _still_  the coolest after all. Uhh, in my opinion… that is.”

“I know,” Bloomer smiled as she turned to transfer the image into one of the remaining functioning computers. “You’ve told me no less than a hundred times.”

Gohan’s blush intensifies.

“In fact, you never fail to remind all of us,” she laughed. “Seriously, though, sometimes I can’t help but feel that you’re turning out to be more like Piccolo than your father.”

“My father is really strong and I admire him a lot—I do… But Piccolo-san is… I… _I love him most of all._ ”

Bloomer momentarily tore her attention from her computer screen to glance furtively at the teenager who had once again ducked his head low, glazed eyes transfixed on nothing particularly interesting on the floor. It’s been a while since she heard Gohan say  _that_. To hear him say it incessantly as a child was one thing, but to hear him say it now that he was all grown-up was curious in ways she couldn’t yet place—though not entirely unexpected. The same fiery passion was charged into those words, and though relatively more subtly spoken, seemed even weightier with undertones of undisclosed emotion. She was certain for a moment there that Gohan meant it in a brand new and entirely different light.

She tried not to read too deeply into it. It wasn’t at all farfetched that the boy was so deeply attached to the Namek she reasoned, considering that Piccolo was substantially more present in his life than Son Goku—or anyone else had ever been, for that matter. (But then, that trend of thought led her to wonder why Gohan never really did expand his circle of friends outside Piccolo, even if he could have. _Could it be because Chi-chi kept him so isolated all the time?_ )

“There. I’ve got your design on my computer. It should be ready by tomorrow afternoon. You can drop by after school to get it.”

“Thanks a lot, Bloomer-san.” Gohan bowed deeply.

“You’re welcome. I needed a breather anyway. That machine was driving me up the wall! So… How’s school?”

“Uhh… it’s… okay…”

“Hm. What level ‘okay’?”

Perhaps it was the fact that they had been through a lot together or just that she was generally more approachable—more like a big sister to him than an aunt (even if she was technically a couple of years older than Chi-chi)—but Gohan found it easier to open up to Bloomer than his own mother. He casually skimmed over the problem of his fast-multiplying admirers…

“You simply have to show them you’re taken,” was her instant reply.

“‘Taken’? B-but, I’m not…”

“It doesn’t have to be real…” Bloomer elucidated. “But if there is someone you fancy at school, all the better! Just befriending and hanging out with her will get most of those fans of yours off your back.”

The teen gave a nervous laugh, not missing the use of the female pronoun.

After some moments wherein Gohan gave no further response, Bloomer amended, “Well, okay.  _Pretend_ then. Or at the very least, don’t let them catch you alone. It’ll discourage most of them, believe me.”

Gohan couldn’t imagine how one would go about “pretending” to be taken. So for lack of a better idea, he decided to let the topic fizzle for now.

“Okay. Thanks for the advice, Bloomer-san!”

“Don’t mention it. I used to have the same problem when I was in grade school. Thank goodness I dropped out! Imagine how much worse that would’ve gotten when I finally grew out of my braces and actually learned how to comb my hair, you know what I mean?”

Gohan laughed good-naturedly along with her but sighed inwardly. How he envied her for having the option to leave school. Then again, Bloomer was a super genius, why would she even need it? He only ever really wanted to be a scholar to please his mother. If he could have his way, he would much rather be outdoors all day, communing with nature and of course… _Piccolo._  

Vegeta emerged just as Gohan was about to blast off, complaining about the vile smell of charred metal and rubber. When he caught sight of Gohan, they cursorily exchanged nods, before Bloomer gave the boy an affectionate bear hug and waved him goodbye.

“You take it easy, Gohan-kun!”

Vegeta asked her what the brat had been doing there, and scoffed amused after she had given him the gist of it.

“You know,” Bloomer said as she busied herself commencing data retrieval. “If I didn’t know better I’d think Gohan-kun was infatuated with Piccolo. I mean, with how he never stops going on and on about him like there could be nothing else on his mind! Not to mention that intense blush from head to toe every time he does…”

That earned a derisive snort from her Saiyajin husband. “Well then, you clearly didn’t know any better.”

“I beg your pardon…?”

“That odd brat of Kakarot’s got a hundred things going for that Namek and infatuation is the least of it! If you Earthlings weren’t always so blinded by your insularity, you wouldn’t be so stupid about it now.”

Bloomer could only gape at the Saiyajin’s retreating form, too shocked to even remember to  _go banshee_  on him for insulting her along with the rest of the human race. All she could think of was the implied revelation in Vegeta’s words. Now that she had his confident albeit riddle-like testament to back up her inkling, she realized that he might just be right about how evident it had been all along…

And Bloomer Briefs couldn’t help but indeed, feel _stupid about it_.

 

Around the time the super genius had her mini-epiphany, Gohan was already close to the outskirts of town in a desperate attempt to get his mind off of a certain elusively sweet and alluring, green-skinned alien. He was running out of miscreants in Satan City proper and thinking that perhaps– the need to find a new distraction was at hand. Though he reckoned that it if he was going to be forced to hang up his cape, he would take the scum of the entire planet with him first. Pretending to be taken with a girl to hide how veritably taken he was with his alien best friend didn’t sit very well with him as an option.

Coincidentally, some weeks later, when Gohan handed his mother the envelope that contained Hercule Satan’s “token of gratitude” for his  _ **purely accidental**_  heroic act (yes, their benefactor made sure to reiterate that fact in the enclosed letter as well), Chi-chi wondered if the “Miss Videl Satan” that her son had saved was someone special to him. Rather– she was  _hoping_ that she was or at the very least– _soon would be_. After all, the merits of Gohan marrying one of the richest girls on this side of the planet were certainly aplenty, especially on the subject of his future.

Gohan merely laughed it off when Chi-chi had asked him that very thing on her mind that night over dinner, saying he didn’t even know her personally; getting reprimanded the very next minute on how he should be more aggressive when it comes to these things sometimes (“Just like how I did with your father! Sometimes fate’s hand needs to be forced,” she would say).

Curiously, the subject of this “distraction” or “forcing the hand of fate” seemed to press itself further and it happened to fall in line with Bloomer and Chi-chi’s prospects…

The bank robbery incident sparked Videl Satan’s interest in the “cute but rather queer” new boy at school. She befriended him, introduced him to her posse Sharpner and Erasa, and was initiated into their circle by sharing a table at lunch. Since then, Gohan made a conscious effort to hang out with them from time to time, although he didn’t talk much (simply because he wasn’t interested in the usual topics of their natter).

Eventually, since Sharpner and Erasa were an item, many assumed that he and Videl were too. Gohan was generally very self-conscious and awkward around people not within his Z-Senshi family, but he and Videl got along fairly decently enough, that for some time during their friendship, Gohan even considered the possibility of falling in love with her… Apparently, Videl Satan was one step ahead of him there.

She hadn’t formally confessed, but it was easy to see. Not only because he was plagued by the love bug himself, but the change in her was just too explicit to miss… The aloofness and tart comebacks have become increasingly superseded by sporadic blushing and softened smiles just for him. It was nice, but it didn’t take long before the whole “friendship-bordering-romantic” relationship began to put a strain on Gohan’s maladroit socializing skills…

Bloomer was right though. It did help lessen the number of suitors that harassed him in and out of school. But he had been severely mistaken in thinking that allowing himself to be close to one girl would entirely diminish his feelings for the one his heart truly adored (if it even did at all). And this gamble, he realized a bit too late, came at a cost: _Videl Satan was falling deeper and deeper for him._ And he could no longer keep up.

He knew it was partly his fault, for leading her on sometimes – giving her smiles meant for another, misdirecting his longings for another, and sublimating his heartache by giving their friendship everything he could afford to give- in his best intentions of the premise of “pretend”. The guilt he felt, he constantly hammered down in hopes that it would go away sooner or later.

Consequently, Videl Satan became comfortable in what she assumed to be an “understanding”, regardless if it was more equivocal than mutual. And he allowed her to be for a while… Letting her lean on his shoulder when they sat side by side or kiss his cheek in greeting and farewell (even though he only returned the gesture once, out of propriety).

Upon Goten’s fourth birthday, Chi-chi and Bloomer threw a party. He was forced to invite and formally introduce Videl to them and his Z-Senshi friends. And Son Gohan practically dug his own grave when he didn’t negate everyone’s assumption about their relationship– which was really only too far from the truth. He couldn’t bring himself to. Not during the party, where he would be embarrassing her by denying it in front of everyone, and knowing this would only give way to further complications… Such as having to give them all a reason for not being interested in a fine girl who was obviously interested in him… Which would lead to him revealing that he was very much taken with someone else—which entailed a completely different love story unlike anything anyone with a penchant for the mundane would ever dream of; nowhere near as easy to swallow as this socially acceptable cliché of a poor boy falling for a pretty rich girl.

Okay, so maybe it was not only ‘partly’ but a  _great deal_ his fault for letting it get so out of hand. Still, it was an honest mistake. He really thought that if he gave it a chance, things could work out between them and eventually, he wouldn’t have to “pretend” anymore.

But as days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, the passage of time only made it increasingly more apparent to him that his gracious approbation for her was just indeed a speck in the grandness of what he felt for that one being that had first and forever inhabited his heart and mind, and easily enough- his soul. No matter how hard he tried to deny it, his heart ached for another, and so it barely allowed him to feel anything beyond friendship for her or anyone else. No one and nothing could eclipse or distract him enough from that or ever be a perfect substitute in his heart.  **No one**.  _Not even the great Videl Satan._

It is a recurring peculiarity of human nature to hold fear in such high regard… So much so, that there are some of us who would deem it worthy to waste all of time trying to fight the truth just to avoid that one moment of excruciating clarity. Although whether there is actual “fighting” involved is debatable because to run from a universal invariant regardless of scope and size is—and always has been proven to be—a lost cause. This humble storyteller can quite confidently attest (inferring from her own assortment of precociously gritty related personal experiences), that at most, one can only “run from” the truth and not really “fight it” (truth doesn’t need to put up a fight to stay in the ring, it’s invincible like that). All we ever really end up doing is wasting time delaying the inevitable. It’s not impossible to outrun, yes. If one were to run  _forever_.  _Nonstop_. (Which is basically impossible.) Nevertheless, it wouldn’t matter how fast or how far, the truth will always be there, never too far behind. It catches up every now and then during that pause for breath, always offering a chance to stop running; a chance to turn around and face it and see… That all it really wants is to  _set us free_ …

So it’s about at this point in our story that our charming (if not somewhat tormented) protagonist Son Gohan Jr. realizes, that after two years of running and playing hide and seek with truth–  _he was pretty dead tired_. And so he decided that he needed to stop to catch his breath.

During the span of their undefined relationship that stretched for almost a year, Videl Satan had caught wind of his exceptional fighting abilities, and what started out as a request for a small demonstration escalated into a series of duels where she would often challenge him after school in an attempt to best him. He would concede defeat, of course, keeping his real strength and Ki levels in check while not making it too easy a win for her, lest she get suspicious or worse– get awfully upset about it. Like that one time, she caught him hesitating in his rabbit chop. She screamed furiously at him for patronizing her and refused to talk to him for days.

So distracted was he with everything of late, that he didn’t even need to pretend to be bested that day… He had the wind knocked out of him as her foot smashed into his sternum and she landed on top of him in a tackle. The brief ceasefire allowed him to catch his breath (more from holding back than actually fighting), but not for long… Gohan’s mind which he was already having trouble manning that day, went into a tailspin when the relentless attacks suddenly transformed into soft touches. _Petite fingers patted his lower lip_ and before he could even process what was happening, the fingers were swapped with thin supple lips.

Too stunned at the sudden uncharacteristic feminine shift in her usual tough guy demeanour to react, but when it finally sunk in that he was being kissed, he sat bolt upright and displaced her on top of him, causing her to meet the ground in a most undignified fashion. She looked taken aback at first, followed by unmistakable hurt – which was all too quickly supplanted with loud chortling directed at his apparently beet-red face.

But Gohan knew by now that her haughtiness was a defence mechanism; that he had cracked her mask. And he would be proven right in a week’s time, when she would finally decide to drop the charades and unveil her truest feelings for him.

**-x-**

The first time he’d left a note, it was tentative enough… It started when he accidentally left a book he was reading by the window and unintentionally spied his beloved mentor reading it. After which, extra care was evidently taken to replace it exactly where and how it had been upon Gohan’s windowsill before his return, because it was almost impossible to tell that it had been moved at all, if he hadn’t personally witnessed the same book being read by his surreptitious and most esteemed patron.

The thought of the one his heart held in dearest nonpareil sharing a small part of his world after being destitute of him for far too long thrilled him effusively.  _Of course! Piccolo-san loves books!_

All else forgotten at that moment, he dived into his collection at once, lining up his favourites that he knew Piccolo had yet to read; all the while reminiscences of how he used to read aloud to the Namek while he meditated filled him with nostalgia. At first, his taciturn friend would never admit to listening with rapt interest, but often when Gohan stopped at a particularly exciting chapter cliff-hanger, Piccolo would urge the boy to continue albeit as unobtrusively and tenuously as possible. Needless to say, little Gohan was always more than delighted to oblige.

So now, the thought of recommending more to his friend thrilled him indecently. Just bare books at first, then after a day or two, he tried adding a small note as a flourish. Imagine his elation that night when he found the book returned with a “Thank You” note in very neat cursive letters, compact and tall, very much evocative of the one majestic creature who had authored it. His heart resounded with a blissful warmth he could only ever associate with his big green friend. The simple act meant so much to him!

It meant  _forgiveness_ ; and it meant  _hope_. Both of which meant everything to him then because the void that his separation from Piccolo left was devoid of all those. He wanted to believe that it was a sign that his small—somewhat romantic—overture was sincerely appreciated.

Since then, he had been turning the idea over in his mind. He had gotten no protest or ill reaction from the novelty of his more romantic letter-giving, that he felt that little glimmer of hope spark into a flame. Perhaps if he executed his confession in a dreadfully simple and honest manner…

 

**-x-**

 

The instance of Videl’s own love confession was so random that it took him completely by surprise…

What seemingly kicked off as their routine after school duel—with the twin-ponytailed girl haphazardly throwing her rucksack behind her and charging with a nerve-rattling battle cry—promised to be anything but customary. He struggled frantically to maintain his footing as he tried to dodge her furious barrage of jabs, kicks, and chops; grimacing in pain when she spun and the heel of her shoe smashed into his jaw making him taste blood.

 _Ho-boy_ , thought Gohan as he slowly righted his stance, palm under his sore chin and blood dripping from his busted lip.  _She’s in a bad mood today._

“You’re still not fighting me seriously!” she barked heatedly as her skid came to a halt after blocking his defensive kick, fists balled so tightly in vexation that her knuckles were ashen.

“S-sorry,” Gohan forced a smile.

She charged at him again, unleashing more of hell’s fury.  _She couldn’t get the images out of her head…_

 

_Erasa and Sharper._

_Kissing in the movie house last weekend._

_Whereas she and Gohan barely even held hands…_

_When her finger brushed his, he instantly tucked his palms under his armpits, commenting offhandedly about how cold it was and how he was a downright doofus for having forgotten his coat that day._

_Erasa took her in confidence some days before as they walked home from school. The bubbly blonde admitted that she liked Gohan far more than her boyfriend, Sharpner; and was insanely jealous of Videl because Gohan was not only hotter and smarter, but she was sure that he was a much better kisser too. Videl found herself quickly making up some excuse to hurry home alone, leaving Erasa to mull over her own suppositions that Videl couldn’t bring herself to affirm or deny even if she wanted to…_

_The ugly truth being that she was just as curious to know because…_

_Gohan has never even once kissed her._

 

“Waahh! I’m sorry!”

The world tilting and her elbows smashing into the gravel is what pulled Videl Satan back to the present.

In a desperate effort to counter her merciless attacks, Gohan had resorted to swiping his leg towards her ankles, expecting her to be able to avoid such a simple manoeuvre, hoping at the very least that it would make her back off some. He certainly did not count on succeeding in tripping her and sending her crashing to the ground.

He bent over her, worried that she didn’t even resist the fall and just stayed where she landed, staring up at the sky with a detached expression despite her badly ripped and bloody elbows.

“A-are you alright, Videl-san?”

“Gohan-kun…” Her breathing was heavy; the usual spunk absent from her voice. “Tell me. What am I to you, really?”

Gohan could only stare mutely, realizing the day of reckoning has arrived. Even if he knew it was bound to happen sooner than never, he didn’t expect her to be this way when she went about it.

She reached up to lock her hands around his neck, pulling him down for another attempt at a proper kiss. He stayed perfectly still, letting her mash her lips against his tightly set ones as a sort of sick consolation; hating himself for every moment of his cowardice.

He pulled away and stood up abruptly, unable to stand the deed much longer. He tangled his fingers in his unruly hair as he turned away with a mumbled apology. She sat up shakily, feeling hopelessly defeated as she stared at his back.

“What Sharpner and Erasa are to each other… That’s not what we are… Isn’t it?”

Gohan could practically taste the guilt, scorching and bitter as it crawled up his throat as bile, gagging and nauseating. He could hear the unshed tears in her words, and he would have willingly jumped into hell for it if he could.

“No,” was all he could bring himself to say after what seemed like an endless stillness. He knew if he said any more, he would only end up hurting her more. His barely fifteen-year-old mind couldn’t seem to procure the right words to say to ease her pain—to make things right. He wished he was wiser when it came to these matters, but he wasn’t yet. “I’m sorry,” he only said at last.

“Tell me the truth. Are you gay?”

Gohan felt a ghost of a laugh escape his throat without his consent. Images of too many depraved fantasies of his true love flashing before his unseeing eyes.  _Was it really just as simple as that?_

“I- I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing!” she nearly screeched, the tears winning over her resolve. “Tell me something you should know then! Was I the only one who thought there was anything at all between us more than friendship?”

Somehow he was glad she was asking all the questions; his mind not exactly lucid enough to form any coherent thought. With these point-blank questions, it was easier for him to simply answer.

“No,” Gohan said quietly. “I honestly _did_ think we could be more.”

“Then… what convinced you otherwise…? How do you know we can’t be  _more_?!” she beseeched, the desperation and hurt she felt finally betraying her as she allowed herself a few moments of pitiful sobbing before being able to compose herself enough to voice those words.

“Because…” At this point he faced her; she at least deserved that much. “I can’t… give back what you so willingly give to me.”  _I’m sorry._  He hoped that she felt it even if she forbade him to say it. He really was.  _So very_.  _Truly_.  _Sorry_.

Despite the tears and pain etched all over her face—unlike most other girls at this point in a * _kokuhaku_ — she refused to break down just yet. Her eyes burned with a ferocity that silently challenged him. “Why…?” she whispered, and it was like fate itself had posed the question.

_Why._

 

“I-is there… something you don’t like about me? Something… something I did? Why do you think I can’t fix it? Why are you… giving up?”

“I’m not giving up,” he stated, an odd thrill of clarity washing over his confused mind for once in many months of agonizing over feelings he couldn’t comprehend, “I’m letting go.”

She hiccupped at that, her eyes brimming with more tears.

“And I don’t think there’s anything to fix. You’re perfect the way you are… It’s just—”

“There’s someone else.” Videl finished for him, the words leaving a bitter stinging tang in her mouth. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

He really didn’t feel like explaining himself or his reasons to do with whom he really loved; at least any more than he felt necessary. But he wanted to finally level with her. He knew being honest was the right thing to do even if it didn’t feel that way sometimes. He wanted to fix this. He wanted to make things right with her and help her get through this as painlessly as possible; to stay true to his vow. It was his fault that it had gotten so messed up, and this was most likely his last best chance to set things right.

Gohan heaved and did his best to meet her gaze squarely.

“Yes.”

At that, she closed her eyes, unable to bear seeing that sweet handsome face she had grown to love so much, _at the first boy she truly wanted with all her heart_ , only to end up having her first real heartbreak.

_Because his heart already belonged to someone else all along…_

She jumped and backed away the moment he tried to help her up, not even realizing that she was sobbing uncontrollably now; and before he could open his mouth and utter those words she didn’t want or need to hear, she ran—ran as fast as she could, wanting to get away from him as soon as possible.

“I’m so sorry…” he muttered miserably, as he watched her retreating form, the door to the rooftop remained ajar in her haste.

At that moment, the young teenager did not know what he was doing or trying to achieve anymore—why he was fighting so hard to win a battle he never wanted to win in the first place. Somewhere down the line, he’s adopted _these exigencies and expediencies_  that were never his own to begin with. And before he knew it, he was right back where he didn’t want to be – putting the rest of the world ahead of himself all over again.

It was his nature to be nice. But if he had gained any wisdom at all from his life thus far, it was that being nice and pleasing others were two very different things entirely. Forcing himself to reciprocate Videl’s feelings was actually the opposite of being nice to her. He had been confused; wanting so badly to make it work. He even went as far as to let her kiss him one last time to be sure; but like all those times before, he couldn’t bring himself to kiss back.  _It just didn’t feel right._ Not as long as his heart was occupied to bursting, aching for someone else. He did not want to break her heart. But deep down, he knew that he did the right thing. Leading her on would just prolong the agony for both of them. He truly thought Videl a great girl and had no doubt that she would find someone who deserved her; someone who would freely and wholly love her back. She had a great life and a wonderful future waiting for her – that much he was confident of; which was much more than he could say for himself.

As he flew aboard his inherited Nimbus cloud—*Son Goku no longer able to ride it some months before Goten was born—he felt that he too should no longer be allowed on it. He felt awful for Videl but at the same time liberated of a weight that he had been laden with for far too long. That one selfish and secret thing his heart never stopped pining for all his life was the only thing that kept him sane and constantly reminded him:

That he didn’t have to do this.

He didn’t have to fight battles that weren’t his own.

That it was alright to not let others think that he always would, just because he could; that he’s done more than enough by now for someone so young.

And that it was okay…

To just stop and rest.

_And be free._

The magical cloud seemed to sense his mood, and glided across the skies as lightly and smoothly as possible, almost lulling him into a state of sweet serenity after all the chaos.

 

**-x-**

“Gohan-kun…” A meek high-pitched voice intruded on his troubled thoughts; an all too familiar cliché by now.

Some faceless days more of faceless love confessions, nondescript love letters, neglected seatwork, and reckless crime fighting found Gohan in another faceless day at school.

Of course, the school was all-a-buzz with the news that he and Videl “broke-up”. Hence, the resurgence of suitors.

Standing there, head bowed low, was a girl he didn’t recognize. She was flanked by two more girls he wasn’t familiar with (though, he understood by now that they were usually present for moral support). He gave a perfunctory nod of acknowledgement as he hastily hid drafts of his letters in-between the pages of his notebook for ***** _Earthian Literature_ and shoved it deep inside the compartment of his desk.

“Here!” A scented pink envelope with a big red heart seal was unceremoniously dropped into his lap.

By the time he looked up from it, the skittish trio was already whizzing out of the empty classroom.

He hadn’t even noticed that the class had already been dismissed. _Gee._ He knew Videl was still miffed at him for what happened, but Erasa and Sharpner didn’t have to be so cruel to leave him as well.

With a sigh, he collected his books into his satchel and scooped up pink envelope.  _Love matters were proving to be a lot more tedious than fighting ruthless alien invaders_ , the teenage demi-Saiyajin thought with a heavy heart as he trudged out of the classroom practically dragging his feet to the rooftop to receive the day’s allotted love confession.

_Here’s my last good deed for today…_

 

**-x-**

 

That night, as he was about to do his homework, he shot up from his chair in a panic.  _He had forgotten his notebook in his desk compartment!_  Groaning, he slumped back down, and weighed his options…

Was it worth risking getting caught breaking and entering the now closed-for-the-night Orange Star Academy as The Golden Warrior (possibly tarnishing the said hero’s reputation in the process) just to get the blasted notebook…? Or would simply accepting his punishment tomorrow of being made to stand in the corridor the entire last period (decked with water buckets and possible open ridicule) be the more honourable path for a superhero to take?

As he was bemoaning this, a knock came at his door, and his four year old brother Goten stuck his head in.

“Mother says your…” Goten’s little nose wrinkled in disgust, “…guhhh-girlfriend is here.”

“Err… thanks, Goten.” Gohan shuffled to the living room where the unmistakable form of Videl stood.

“Uh… hi,” Gohan greeted her, trying not to sound so forced. “Is there something you need from me?”

She held up a notebook that looked awfully familiar.

Immense relief washed over him, and he rushed forward to get it.

“Arigatou, Videl-san!”

But she retracted it at the very last moment, earning a look of confusion from him. She brought her other hand out from behind her, and held up a paper with a familiar scrawl on it.

“Who’s  _‘ _Piccolo’__?”

Gohan’s eyes bulged. He suddenly hunched into himself putting his finger to his lips, “Shh! They might hear you!”

Videl threatened to read the letter aloud, but then Gohan silently pleaded her not to, pushing her towards the door as he shouted a hurried: “Mother, I’ll just take her home. Be back in a jiff, bye!”

 

**-x-**

 

 

 

 

 

> _Dearest Piccolo-san,_
> 
> _I hope you will like this book. The main character always reminds me of you._
> 
> _Love always,_
> 
> _Gohan_

 

She’d lost count how many times she had reread the letter. The endearment at the beginning and at the end– and the intense emotion that was obviously charged into it made Videl’s stomach twist with jealousy.

She had never seen this romantic lovesick puppy side of Gohan even if they were as good as an item for almost a year. And she couldn’t help but convey her very tender feelings on the matter as she regarded Gohan with unmasked annoyance.

The raven-haired boy, whose face was now alarmingly flushed, tried to appease those glowering eyes with palms up and soothing words to make her calm down as she threatened to expose him.

“No! Please!” Gohan begged rather desperately. “What do you want, Videl-san?”

“Tell me who Piccolo is!” she demanded, stomping her foot.

“Okay, okay!” Gohan hissed, then he fidgeted nervously, “He’s my… My childhood friend.”

“‘ **He** ’?!” Videl echoed incredulously.

Gohan flinched but said nothing to that. After getting no further violent reaction, he pressed, “Now will you please return my letter?”

Videl thought for a moment then said, “I want to see him.”

“What?!” Gohan spat, still under his breath.

“You heard me.”

“Are you being serious? Why in holy HFIL would you want to see him?!”

“It doesn’t matter why. Do you want this letter back or not?”

“That’s  _my_  letter in the first place. You shouldn’t be taking what isn’t yours, Videl-san,” Gohan groused, brows creased.

“Finders-keepers. You’re lucky I even bothered to go all the way here to return it.”

“You mean to  _blackmail_  me with it!” Gohan ground out, a vein popping in his temple. It were times like these that the similarities between father and daughter really stood out.

When Videl mockingly turned to leave, Gohan flailed, “Fine! Fine! I’ll let you see him!” When Videl looked at him expectantly he spoke up again, “But he doesn’t come here often. I’m not allowed to see him when I have school.” At this Videl rolled her eyes. “B-but, he passes by to return my books.”

“Great. Introduce me.”

“Ehh? Wait a sec… Don’t you think you’re overstepping your bounds a little?” When all he got in response was an  _I-couldn’t-care-less-what-you-think_  look, Gohan sighed, exasperated. “Fine. I don’t know what you’re up to, but I think it’s only right that I ask him first if he would like that. He’s not really the sociable type…”

“I wonder why.”

The demi-Saiyajin chose to ignore the sarcastic remark. “I’ll let you see him, that’s it. But under one condition.”

 

**-x-**

 

After making Videl swear to an oath of silence, they took their post atop a mountain ledge behind the Son house the following night, and waited in the shadows for Gohan’s stealthy visitor.

As she was handed a pair of binoculars, Videl gave her companion a withered look. “Seriously? I know you said we need to keep our distance but isn’t this a bit overkill?” She squinted through the binoculars. “I mean, I know you want to keep him all to yourself, but I can barely make out your house from all the way here, let alone your window!”

Gohan patiently explained that if they got any closer, Piccolo would be able to hear them breathing. Even at this distance, they still had to be very quiet.

“Are you freakin’ kidding me?! No human would be able to hear us from this—” Videl’s words drowned in her throat as she caught Gohan’s dead serious expression. “Oh. Damn… _He’s not human, is he?_ Great. This is getting more priceless by the moment.”

“Just– _please._ If you really want to see him, I need you to trust me and be perfectly still.”

“Right. ‘Trust you’ huh…?” Videl begrudgingly settled into a comfortable position. “…Just look where that got me.”

Luckily, Gohan did not have superior hearing like Piccolo and did not catch that last part which Videl only mussitated. He continued to explain that he couldn’t risk his mother catching him trying to see Piccolo either, because they were forbidden to see each other on schooldays; and if she found out that he was sneaking out to see him instead of doing his homework, he was going to be grounded for the weekends too.

“I thought you two were childhood friends? What’s with the Romeo and Juliet setting—like what’s so bad about just seeing him for a little bit?”

Gohan looked even more edgy. “That- uhm, is kind of – my fault…”

“How so?”

“When I was little I… uhh… I used to run away all the time to play with him…” Gohan refrained from mentioning that it was also hugely due to the fact that his childhood best friend was viewed as a fearsome demon-slash-alien. No point in pre-empting things.

Videl’s brain literally lagged for a few moments trying to process that piece of information. That- and she was becoming genuinely fascinated by how Gohan’s face lit up like a bright red light-bulb every time they even so much as hovered over the subject of this mysterious “Piccolo”. It was so plain to see even under the subdued beams of light from the stars that night, that her jealousy was fast sprouting limbs and a head.

“You’re in love with him,” she said after some silence, when she finally allowed the last pieces of the puzzle to fall into place in her mind.

This time Gohan heard her perfectly. The quietly uttered pronouncement seemed to cut through the concerted dissonance of crooning crickets and howling night winds with crisp unmistakable clarity.

Though she got no audible reaction, the intense colour re-seeping into Gohan’s face spoke volumes. He looked like he was literally going to blush himself to death.

She wanted to gloat—make him feel even more uneasy; and was even going as far as plotting to expose him in front of this “Piccolo”, which by how Gohan was reacting, she felt safe to assume that he was oblivious to his childhood best friend’s romantic feelings for him.

“He doesn’t know, huh?”

Gohan instinctively held his breath, still not meeting her gaze. He resorted instead to absent-mindedly poking a tiny turtle that had the misfortune of bumping into his shoe.

“So tell me, what’s so special about him…? Is he a great kisser or something?”

At that Gohan nearly toppled over. (The turtle took that opportunity to escape.)

“What the hell, Videl-san?! What is wrong with you?”

“What? Can’t I be curious? Judging by your obscene reactions, it's like he’s the most incredible lover in the world!”

“We’re not lovers, okay? He’s my friend!”

“Right…” Videl said in deliberate slow-motion, causing Gohan to shake his head and sigh. “Now can you try saying that again? Without sounding like a wounded animal this time. Did you know that your left eye always twitches once when you lie?”

“Argh! Look, I don’t think its right for you to pass judgement on my friend or invade my privacy like this just because I rejected you!”

Videl looked genuinely hurt for a split second but quickly recovered. “Whoa. I really hit a nerve when it comes to your precious Piccolo, huh? You must really be in deep for this  _‘childhood friend’_  of yours. This new side of you makes me feel like a colossal idiot for even thinking that you were in love with me before! Wow…! I must admit, I’m completely bowled over!”

The peeved demi-Saiyajin was about to dish out a retort when a gust of wind carried Piccolo’s scent from some two kilometres away and he frantically gestured for Videl to hush.

Piccolo usually passed by his window at dinner time, when Gohan was not in his room. And though Videl wasn’t one to slack off on a vigil, nothing could’ve prepared her mind for what she saw…

Squinting through the binoculars, she leaned forward, holding her breath. She expected him to come out of the forest, instead the figure Gohan was spying seemed to drop gracefully from the sky…

At first, it was just white, no, a billowing cape, descending from the shadows– and then, under the heavenly bodies’ illumination came the seemingly glowing green skin, pointy ears, and—as the creature deftly laid a book by the sill of Gohan’s window—three, no, four fingers! with nails black as coal; long and sharp like talons! Then, as he stood to his full height before he took flight, Videl’s mouth fell open for even his height was outlandish! Surely, no less than a staggering seven feet!

When the being had disappeared, she looked to express her shock (and revulsion) at Gohan, only to find him transfixed in the direction his alien friend had flown off to. His eyes were wistful and misty; lips, semi-gnawed and vaguely turned down at the corners; and the ever-present crimson flood on his cheeks. The emotions emanating from him were so palpable that she couldn’t find the heart to break the moment.

Videl Satan left without incident after that (especially since Gohan had managed to outmanoeuvre her and take back his letter when she let down her guard).

The next day, an entire morning passed at school without any word from her, and Gohan thanked the heavens for the reprieve.

He was too happily preoccupied rereading Piccolo’s latest “thank you” letter for what must have been the hundredth time, laughing—well, more of swooning—at the few witty comments his Namek friend had deemed worthy of putting to paper about the latest book he had finished reading… When a hand came down on his desk with nerve-wracking slam… And Gohan knew that his reprieve was over.

 

**-x-**

His very first attempts at acting upon those novel and yet lifelong feelings bore disastrous results. And that wasn’t even the worst part about it.  _The worst part_  was how he was barely cognizant throughout the whole ordeal…

It happened around a year after he had defeated Cell, when he was both devastated with grief over his father’s death whilst also heartbroken at being made to fight alone like a mere prized gamecock who wasn’t even allowed a choice. He was forced to swallow his sentiments on the matter then because the fate of the Earth rested solely and perilously on his inexperienced shoulders all of a sudden. He fought as best he could—as was expected of him. Regardless of the circumstances, he truly didn’t want to let his father and all of his friends down. Despite his reluctance to resort to violence, he really wanted to save everyone.

In the end, he still lost his father. And subsequently, he stood to lose a greater part of his sanity.

Gohan wasn’t at all like his father or Vegeta who were blind with lust for battle. He always thought this was because he wasn’t a pure-blooded Saiyajin (though he would find out later that there was so much more to it than that). However, that wasn’t the only thing eating him up…

He was dealing with something far more complicated and unsettling: an all-consuming madness that was his growing feelings and urges for his lifelong best friend and erstwhile mentor…

 

 **End of the first half.** **  
**Continued in the second half…****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***white makeshift cape** – My personal addition to the canon.
> 
>  ***Academy** – This is what I call Orange Star in my modified universe.
> 
>  ***kokuhaku** – In popular Japanese culture, a formal love confession.
> 
>  ***Son Goku unable to ride Nimbus** \- Will be explained in another episode within Retroverse...
> 
>  ***** **mobile phone** – The Son’s aren’t tech savvy, but my headcanon is that only Gohan knows how to and uses technology ever since he entered the university (and worked for Bloomer at CC). He uses this for his studies and for correspondence (more than for social media or entertainment etc.).
> 
>  ***Earthian Literature** \- I use "Earthian" or "Earth Language/s" in place of "English" (just as I avoid using "humans/humankind" but more of "Earthlings" because technically, in the DBZ-verse, Earth is not inhabited by only humans).


	2. Second Half

_“Piccolo-san… Can I still come by to see you after this?”_

_A subtle heartfelt smile; one that never failed to make so many piquant emotions blossom in his chest._

_“Of course.”_

 

He waited awhile before he took up his friend’s offer, appearing at  ***** _Kami no Shinden_ many months later to ask for a practice duel in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. He faced Piccolo in Super Saiyajin form – the only way he felt he could express what he truly wanted without fear or hesitation.

“This power… it’s like it has a mind of its own. I feel an unquenchable thirst to wield and flaunt it—use it on opponents I deem worthy. Only… there are none. Except you. Only you, Piccolo-san.”

Piccolo is puzzled by this. Surely Gohan didn’t mean that he was the strongest?

“I’m not sure I follow,” admitted the Namek.

“You’re strong, even stronger than you let on. But you are afraid of that power… You would rather stay in the sidelines, overshadowed by those who have no scruples about hogging all the glory.”

“Gohan, I think you’re mistaken—”

“They’re too blinded by their lust for power to see, what I can so clearly. It’s no use hiding it from me. Why don’t you show me, Piccolo-san?”

Piccolo barely had time to blink. Gohan disappeared from across the room where he had been standing and reappeared right in front of him, smashing skull to chin and following it up with a series of swift punches to his torso. The combo was finished with a kick that sent him smashing into the opposite wall with a booming metallic bang.

The young Super Saiyajin waited patiently for his Namek opponent to gather his bearings. Piccolo had been caught completely off-guard by the attack, but he smirked good-naturedly as he wiped the blood from his mouth. He then discarded his turban and mantle, and took a fighting stance.

“Don’t get too cocky, _kid_.”

“You’re patronizing me.” Gohan’s luminescent green eyes flared. “That’s not at all like you, Piccolo-san. What are you afraid of? Why are you holding back? It feels so good, you know… _To not hold back._ ”

And to drive his point, the Super Saiyajin phased out once more, only to appear behind his quarry this time and enclose the Namek’s massive form. Arms clamped over his chest and upper arms, and legs hooked over his upper thighs and wrists; effectively locking his limbs in place, immobilizing him.

“I’m not a kid anymore, Piccolo-san. Let me show you.”

Piccolo struggled against the boy’s impressive grip but it was futile. Gohan was acting uncharacteristically and it disorientated him. He was baited by the boy’s words and distracted by his actions; it was unlike any of their usual sparring sessions. It was as though Gohan wasn’t really trying to fight, but wanting to accomplish something else entirely; the boy was toying with his mind—provoking him. The reason, whatever it was, continued to elude him.

“This power is making everything much larger— _more real_ … I want you to feel it too.”

Piccolo shivered as he felt Gohan’s breath tickle his ear, unable to suppress a moan when the boy’s tongue flicked out to tease his hypersensitive skin. His teeth gnashed together as the strong limbs encasing his body tightened dangerously.

That warm and wet tongue continued its delicate exploration of his ear, causing a magma-like churning sensation to rumble in the pit of his gut. He groaned breathlessly when the licking was interspersed with light sucking.

“G-Gohan…!” he grunted, “What the hell are you…?”

“You smell and taste so nice, Piccolo-san. It makes me want to do things to you that I know I shouldn’t…” Gohan’s sinfully moist tongue probed the dip in his master’s ear more aggressively. “…Only, I can feel that you want it too.”

Piccolo’s head involuntarily rolled back and his jaw fell slack; clipped, ragged breaths interposed with low moans fought past his lips. “J-just because… I want something…” Piccolo managed to grit out in between quivering breaths as the mock worshipping travelled the length of his neck. “…D-does not mean… I will always… act on it.”

“What are you saying, Piccolo-san?” The young demi-Saiyajin sounded sincerely hopeful. “Does that mean you that you want me too and that you have only been resisting me?” Gohan trailed luscious kisses down his shoulder; even more fervently wooing his beloved mentor’s heavenly body, in hopes of drawing forth a more favourable answer.

“I…” Piccolo grunted. “…won’t indulge you… n-not like this. Y-your power… d-don’t let it… control you, Gohan!”

It wasn’t the answer he was hoping for.

“ANSWER ME!”

Gohan had ascended to a level higher of Super Saiyajin in a flash. Piccolo reeled from intense pain at the simultaneous assault to his hypersensitive ears and the crushing grip around him threatening to break everything inside it.

“G-Gohanngh–!” Blood gushed up his throat as two of his rips splintered and one of the shards puncture an organ.

“You’re the one I love most, Piccolo-san… If I can hurt you this way, I can hurt anyone. Are you just going to let me…?”

The Namek groaned weakly as the boy’s canines slowly pricked and dug into his neck, sharpening and elongating as muscle and tissue is penetrated. Those fangs find his jugular vein and a strangled guttural howl is wrenched from his bowels as Gohan vigorously sucked.

Only when he was drained of enough blood to make a normal sizeable person pass out did the frenzied boy feel content enough to pull out and languidly nurse the deep puncture wounds with affectionate licks.

Piccolo shuddered, involuntary whimpers escaping his lips; too confused by the boy’s actions to even think to put up any real resistance. When he is finally released, his body crumpled to the floor, blood oozing from his mouth and nose; arms and legs too deprived of blood circulation to respond to his commands.

“P-Piccolo-san.” Gohan’s vision blurred with hot tears as he fell to his knees beside his friend; his Super Saiyajin form faltering. “Why did you let me do this to you? Why won’t you fight me with your true strength?”

“Gohan…” Despite the dreadful condition he was in, Piccolo still afforded a genuine albeit weak smile, one completely devoid of any ill feelings for his former pupil. “Fighting… isn’t always… about brute force.”

“Piccolo-san…!”

Just before he lost his mentor to unconsciousness, Gohan cupped his face and kissed his lips. By the time his Super Saiyajin energies have completely diffused and reverted him to normal, Piccolo’s eyes were already long blanketed in dreamless slumber.

Blood and tears marred Piccolo’s countenance, but Gohan could not perceive him as anything less than perfect. He sat there for some minutes in loving admiration, lightheaded and disorientated as to why his mentor was in such a state and unaware of the lingering delirium fogging his mind.

The sharp tang of something tantalizingly sugary spicy, warm and pleasantly viscous coating his tongue is what jolted Gohan’s mind back to full sobriety. His fingers reached up to his lips and drew traces of that rich Namekian blood that he knew too well…

Fantastic terror filled his heart, followed by suffocating panic. A part of him still mildly deranged from the remnants of the intoxicating Saiyajin power that coursed through him only minutes ago wanted to believe that it was real when he felt Piccolo kiss him back albeit very weakly; the rest of him wanted to believe that everything that had happened was nothing more than a bad dream… That he wasn’t the one responsible for his beloved friend lying there badly hurt; blood staining his immaculate face and oozing copiously from badly swollen puncture wounds on his neck that looked horrifyingly like bite-marks.

Gohan’s tears mingled with the royal purple blood on the floor as his anguished screams ripped through the chamber. The doors magically opened as he blasted off towards it, clearing a path for him to the endless sky.

He flew away from the only place in the world he most wanted to be, but now felt he didn’t deserve…

 

**-x-**

_“Why him?”_

 

The meeting in the rooftop had been brief. Videl Satan got straight to the point. And he let her say her piece. All of it.

Gohan was truly surprised at the question, not thinking for one second that there was anything not worth loving about Piccolo. But he remembered at once, how most everyone seemed to think there wasn’t anything to love…

“I thought the name was familiar…”

_Was it because he had green skin and other inhuman physical features?_

“But I never thought it was _that_ Piccolo.”

_Was it because his father was evil?_

“He’s not who you think he is Gohan-kun, believe me, I know.”

_Or was it because he seemed unsociable and brooding to them, more often than not?_

“You can’t seriously be fancying someone like him?? Because if you are, I have to tell you, he must’ve bewitched you or something…!”

 _Why couldn’t they see what he could…?_ _Piccolo’s elusive smiles; the innocence and vulnerability in his eyes when he wasn’t on guard; and the fragile—almost too careful—yet emphatic way he always uttered his name…_

_**Gohan.** _

_Why can’t they feel what he feels?_   _To stare up at such a profound creature and be graced with the silent splendour exuding from his being; to be touched by the sound of his voice, one so soulful and reverent, it made human speech sound impossibly divine…_

_Someone like him…?? Piccolo-san is not a bad person. Why do they continue to insist that he’s anything but good?_

“Gohan-kun, listen… I know they say love is blind…”

 _Piccolo Daimaoh Jr. is so beautiful, it was blinding._  And it broke his heart that everybody else couldn’t see that.

“…But what you feel… It-it just _can’t_ be _that_ …”

_If being able to see Piccolo-san in this light means that I have been blinded by love, then dear Kamisama, please…!_

“You can’t possibly be in love with him!”

_Let me be blind forever._

**-x-**

No one else knew of what had transpired between him and Piccolo that day. But the images of his dearest friend on the cold floor, badly hurt and unconscious by his hand was enough to keep him far away–  _for two long years_. The longer he abstained from seeing Piccolo, the easier it got to convince himself that it was all just a bad dream.

There were so many times he was tempted to simply go and see him; it wasn’t as though the Namek was concealing his energy signature. But he needed the time to sort things out and he knew Piccolo stayed away too because he respected that.

But still– there wasn’t a single day that he didn’t wish that Piccolo would come and see him, and that everything would be just the way it was before. Having to live with that void in his heart each passing day was unbearable. He tried his best to focus on other things just to forget. And that’s how The Golden Warrior was incidentally birthed (and later on, with more deliberation, The Great Saiyaman).

How did that saying go? _The more things change, the more they stay the same._ The fear and longing constantly at odds in his heart were things he forced himself to live with. He wanted to believe that he was getting better at fooling himself that avoiding the one thing he wanted—and maybe even needed—more than anything in the world was the right thing to do. But in reality, he was still as confused as he had ever been. And at this point, after everything, there was only one thing he was absolutely sure of with all his heart and soul…

**_Two years felt like an eternity without Piccolo._ **

-x-

 

“Gohan-kun! Are you listening to me?”

And it was all very predictable, really. How he was being told that things were never going to work out because Piccolo didn’t look or act anything like a _perfectly acceptable_  human being. Because he was “evil incarnate” and had monstrous features to match. That it wasn’t “normal” to be in love with such an aberration of society, therefore there had to be a “perfectly logical” explanation for his “misplaced” feelings such as hypnotism, voodoo magic… Or just the most prosaic, all-around justification for all things that mediocre minds can’t grasp: _good old plain insanity._

The absurd irony of it all did make him feel almost unhinged enough to all but laugh out loud in fanciful delirium. Because in truth, there was no one else more human to him than Piccolo. Piccolo’s heart was the purest, most unselfish, and most self-sacrificing of all.

And yet these self-righteous people… These so-called pure-blooded “humans” by definition of birth and appearance alone, act worse than demons with their prejudices, worse than everything they claim to go against with their vanity, and contrary to everything admirable they supposedly represent with all their senseless hatred.

Gohan bit his lip–  _hard_ , and heard no more of it. They were free to say and think what they wanted of Piccolo but he didn’t have to take it. He chose to shut it all out—everything that hurt and didn’t feel right—the way he always did before.

“Of all the humans and aliens on Earth that you could possibly fall in love with,  _why him_ _?_ ” Videl pressed on. “Why do you love him? Or maybe I should say, ' _how_  'can you love him? The reincarnation of the Demon King, Piccolo Daimaoh! You know more than anyone who that is, right? Gohan-kun, wake up! Answer me and prove to me you’re not going crazy or under his spell!”

Gohan laughed, at last, letting the frivolity of the situation wash over him freely. He knew Videl only said all those things because she meant well—and he appreciated it, he really did. But he couldn’t help but find it all very funny… She had asked to know his reasons for being in love with Piccolo,  _after_  slapping him with all the reasons he shouldn’t be. Her questions were merely rhetorical because she already had all the answers she wanted to believe in. By now, he could tell when people asked not to understand, but to rebuff. It didn’t matter if he gave them a million and one reasons because nothing was ever good enough for a shackled mind.

The whole ordeal made him realize that he didn’t have the answers she demanded because he never needed it himself. He had never even once questioned what he felt and why he felt it.  _Loving someone didn’t need justification. You just do. It just is._ And all of a sudden… everything was really just _that_ simple.

The giddy laughter spent, Gohan took a deep drawn-out breath, exhaled, and then finally opened his eyes to face the bewildered Videl with a big earnest smile.

 

**-x-**

Ironically it was Videl’s confession that spurred a strange reckless courage in him. Strange and reckless maybe, but necessary. Seeing her so broken and hurt empowered him with a somewhat suicidal courage to face his own consequences. And if those consequences were to be heartbreak, then it was only a fitting retribution.

The more he surrendered to the idea of losing everything, the more he was feeling sure of himself. And perhaps Videl had succeeded in waking him up after all, just not in the way she had intended.

True he didn’t have enough experience to know much about love; having been only ever dormantly and monogamously in love all his life. But thankfully, he wasn’t as unforgivably naïve on the subject as his father. He knew that if he was ever going to truly move forward with his own feelings, it would entail risks and possibly heartbreak. If his venture into possible romance with Videl served any purpose despite its less than desirable outcome, it was to dissolve all doubt and bring about a much-needed disambiguation regarding the one he truly loved. He was surer now that what he felt was something much more than random bursts of repressed energy, depraved infatuation, or misguided affection…

**-x-**

 

“One time, while I was talking to him, a butterfly perched on his cheek near his lips…” The vividness of the reverie gripped him, instilling a faraway look in his eyes, and unconsciously bringing his finger to the same spot on his face. (It always mystified him; the way those tiny yellow butterflies were drawn to Piccolo’s ataraxic, reposing Ki.) “And he was unfazed, like it was the most natural thing in the world. What was even more amazing was how the butterfly stayed right where it was even when he spoke—it looked quite comfortable too.” A laugh. Then deep-brown eyes glazed over. “He was very pretty with it…”

The more Gohan’s expression grew entranced, the more Videl’s grew disconcerted. She was torn between watching in fascination and shaking him to his senses.

“Do you think he bewitched it?”

Videl blinked, completely unprepared for what she was hearing. “W-what…?”

“Do you think that butterfly was insane for perching on a demon’s cheek…?

“Because if you do, then you will never understand its reasons or lack thereof…

“You asked me why I love him, but I’m just like that butterfly. There is no ‘why’ or ‘how’, it’s just the most natural thing in the world.”

_People think I use my eyes to see him and try to get me to look away—but it doesn’t matter where I look…_

_Because even when I close my eyes, he’s the only one I see._

“Sometimes what appears to be a demon is really an angel in disguise, and vice-versa. It just depends on who’s beholding.”

_I know it now._

_Everything else is just a distraction._

**-x-  
**

 

 

> _My dearest Piccolo-sama,_
> 
> _I cherish our friendship more than anything in the world._
> 
> _I am ashamed to say that this letter was written out of fear. Fear of losing that friendship. But a greater fear of never having trusted you with my true feelings. And the longer I keep it a secret to preserve what beautiful thing we already have, the more I feel myself drifting away from you. A self-imposed rift driven by conflicts I can never hope to resolve on my own…_
> 
> _I need you, to know. Simply because you_ _are_ _my dearest and most beloved friend. You_ _deserve_ _to know._

**-x-**

After his second confrontation with Videl at the rooftop, he returned to his desk just as the lunch break was ending, to find a small pile of– yes, you guessed right. _More love letters._

“Opportunists,” Gohan tacitly chastised the not-so-innocent heap of flamboyant envelopes, wearily plopping down his chair as the bell signalling the end of lunch break rang out. He picked a random candidate from the pile, shoving the rest into his overstuffed satchel.

He knew it would say basically the same thing; asking if he could come to the rooftop after class. And he allowed his head to fall smack onto his desk when he confirmed it. He would give them the same generic response, sure that opportunistic lovers weren’t his thing, thank you very much.

The said random opportunistic aspiring lover was a slight bespectacled girl from his class this time, whose name he couldn’t remember. She stuttered badly throughout most of her confession, and her face grew redder than what he thought possible for a human. He felt sorry for her, as he did with all the others, but he was going to stick to his vow.

Her face fell immediately after he had given her an apologetic look. He had barely uttered the usual speech he had ready, which was a straightforward but heartfelt:  _‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same way about you. But we could try and be friends instead?’…_ He was only at “I’m sor–” when she burst into a half-sob half-shriek and dashed out of the rooftop, leaving Gohan feeling like a dunce and doubting the merits of his idealistic project more than ever.

He wasn’t feeling up to the usual Good Samaritan generosity that day (weighed down by so many things of greater importance), so he let the girl be and idly stepped onto the ledge of the rooftop, not even caring if he was spotted by anyone below. _Classes were long over,_ he reasoned haphazardly. And right on cue, a particularly rogue gust of wind blew his way, signalling the arrival of Nimbus. It swept beneath his feet with impeccable timing as he stepped off the edge into thin air and sat cross-legged.

Not having a “posse” or “pretend girlfriend” to hang out with left him with more alone time, and more alone time meant that there was nothing to distract him from his heart’s incessant nagging to be allowed to see the green apple of his eye. The piles upon piles of homework his teachers had dropped on them didn’t stand a chance as a worthy distraction… And so, evildoers of Satan City and Metro West continued to rue, thanks to The Great Saiyaman’s adolescent woes.

 

**-x-**

 

He was in the middle of chiding an energetic senior citizen for feeling up a female clerk at a convenience store another faceless day post-Videl when Bloomer’s voice exploded in his ears from out of nowhere. (‘Nowhere’ proved to be a receiver in his helmet.)

“Gohan-kun, don’t tell me you didn’t know about the communicator device I installed in your helmet? I made sure to include an instruction manual in your gear’s system database…”

“Uhhh…”

“Well, duh! I wasn’t going to put a pair of antennae on that thing just for fashionable purposes! It’s a nice safety feature, don’t you think? I just thought I’d check on you. How’s the suit?

“I- it’s fantastic! Thanks again, Bloomer-san.”

“You can thank me by coming over and accepting my job offer.”

 

**-x-**

Gohan thanked Bloomer profusely for hiring him to work as a part-time assistant at her lab, to which she replied that there was no need for thanks.

“I needed a good assistant, and you look badly in need of a better distraction. The streets of Metro West and Satan City are so crime-free now thanks to you, I’m pretty sure a good fifty percent of the law enforcers will be laid off soon…”

At that, Gohan paled.

“I figured I’d be doing all of us a favour if I saved the police force from you, and you, from your self-destructive streak.” Bloomer winked at him with a sporty thumbs-up. Then in a serious and softer, more motherly tone, she continued, “You know… you can solve the world’s problems but it won’t mean a thing if you haven’t solved yours…”

The stark aphorism caught Gohan off guard. He looked up, falling directly under Bloomer’s gaze from across the room.

“So tell me, has the city’s young and noble superhero found a nice girl to save him from his horde of admirers?”

Gohan blinked, unprepared for the shift in conversation.

Bloomer punched some keys on her computer, and studied the read-outs on her screen for a minute more before standing up and returning Gohan’s Saiyaman helmet, explaining that she made some maintenance adjustments, and thought that he might want to know that he could tune in on the police scanner too if he still felt the need to put the entire police force completely out of a job—to which Gohan looked so aghast, that Bloomer couldn’t help but burst into a fit of laughter. Only then, did the youth realize that she was joking (at least partly) and he joined in on the laughter albeit timidly.

“You do know that I’m not the same silly selfish woman I was before, right?” she resumed in a gentle tone when their laughter had subsided. “I’ve changed a lot since that time in the spaceship on Namek.  Believe me when I say I know what it’s like to be too smart for everyone else. Which is why I worry about you a lot. Sometimes people like us just need to unload some of that weight so we can feel much better and get back to thinking straight again, you know what I mean? So if you ever need someone to talk to, I’ll have you know… I’m a really good listener. And not only that– I give excellent  _love advice_ too.”

‘ _Love advice’?_  Gohan’s brows raised slowly. _Did Bloomer know his secret?_ Well, he knew she was smart, but has she really figured it out? Or was he simply that transparent?

“It’s not really the suitors, isn’t it?”

The demi-Saiyajin’s heartbeat began to speed up considerably now.

“Hm. Let me guess… There’s someone you  _fancy_ , no—judging by your reactions, it would be more accurate to say  _‘deeply taken with’_ , but the thing is, you don’t really know how to proceed from there…” She pulled up a chair and settled on it in front of his perch on the couch, crossing her legs and meeting him at eye level.  “How am I doing so far?”

Gohan’s jaw fell ajar and for some seconds remained like that – mind too discombobulated to be able to form any coherent thought.

“Aha! I knew it! I was right!” Bloomer chuckled. “So… won’t you tell me who the  _lucky girl_  is?”

Gohan inhaled sharply.

“Or should I say…  _Namek?_ ” she finished.

And that’s all it took to undo him; all colour drained from the teenage demi-Saiyajin’s face.

Bloomer laughed, “Oh Gohan-kun, don’t look so surprised! I’ve known you since you were in your diappies! It took me some time to put two and two together since you’re one tough nut to crack, but didn’t I tell you? I’m a genius after all!”

When Gohan had finally regained some composure, he spoke, “D-does… err… Is there… How…?” He gave up, finding his tongue and brains still uncooperative.

“I don’t think anyone else knows your secret. Well, except Vegeta. He’s the one who clued me in actually—said he could tell from the start. But he was right, it really is kind of a no-brainer, you two… Like a  _sci-fi Romeo and Juliet meets *E.T._  or something… Hm. It’s actually  _really cute_  the more you think about it…!”

Gohan was burning with so much embarrassment at this point that he could feel his ears steaming. He knew Bloomer was just being Bloomer, but he didn’t appreciate that she was treating his very real problem like one of those *June novels that she collected with a passion.

“Bloomer-san!” he finally blurted out unable to stand her drooling fangirl face any longer. “Can we please stay focused here?”

“Oh. Sorry.” She sat up straight and put on a serious look again, but kept on mumbling to herself about how she knew it wasn’t the Satan girl from the start and how she had always felt it was someone just as weird as he was. “Gohan-kun!” she suddenly snapped at him. “You have to promise me one thing!”

“H-huh?”

“You _must_ let me be the godmother of your children! _All of them!_  And you have to fill me in on every detail of–”

“Bloomer-san! Please! Do you mind?!” Gohan was standing full height now, exasperated and panting in agitation. “How can you even think about those things at a time like this? He doesn’t even know how I feel yet! I don’t even know how he’s going to take it… And if-if he…” The demi-Saiyajin collapsed back down on the couch deflated. “…will hate me for it…”

“Oh, my… It’s not like you to be afraid of your emotions towards him, Gohan-kun.” The pretty scientist’s voice was now riddled with real concern at seeing the boy’s very real affliction. “You, of all people.”

Gohan scrunched up his eyes, biting back unwanted tears. “It’s… this… it’s different somehow. I feel things that I think I shouldn’t… but I can’t fight it anymore no matter how hard I try! I don’t know what to do…”

“Aw, psssh! If you love him, you love him! There’s no need to complicate things. You’re one of the smartest people I know! I don’t believe for one second that you don’t know what to do. I think the real question here is: ‘ _What’s stopping you?’…_  C’mon, Gohan-kun. You’d have to be a brick wall not to see that Piccolo loves you too! Now  _that_ -! has never been secret from anyone.”

He looked up at her with glistening eyes. How he wanted to believe her words were true, but… Even if it were… After what he did…

_That horrible thing he did to Piccolo in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber…_

Gohan was sincerely torn between wanting to talk in a mature, dignified way and bawling his heart out like an overgrown baby. Emotions he had been keeping in check for so long were all threatening to swallow him as one gigantic tidal wave. Despite his exceptional intelligence and the constant demand to be braver than his age, there were times like these that made him feel as young and helpless as any teenager truly could be. It was tough trying to cope with all the chaos alone all the time. He used to have a pillar of strength and confidante in Piccolo. But now that he was abstaining from contact with the Namek as a self-imposed punishment for some terrible act of foolishness on his part that he barely even remembered– _he has never felt more truly alone._

Tears finally won over, and Gohan gripped his helmet so tight that Bloomer was certain that if she hadn’t used an especially strong alloy for it, it would have already shattered to bits.

“Hey, now…” She moved closer and gently relieved his hands of the helmet, encasing his trembling hands in her own. Vegeta always calmed considerably when she did it for him.

Admittedly, mostly only driven by curiosity at first, Bloomer’s heart melted in an instant. She understood somehow—she truly did. Being in love with someone whom the world didn’t view in a good light was never easy. But no matter how illogical or improper it was to the world, love was  _still_  love. And the more you fight it, the more regrets you’re bound to have.

Perhaps that was what really compelled her to intervene. Her heart went out to him. She could very intimately empathize with Gohan and knew that the boy had no other friends who could (being the eccentric prodigy that he was). And knowing his parents well– she was certain that neither Chi-chi nor *Goku could be counted on to give the crucial counselling he needed when it came to matters like this.

Which was why she wanted to share some of the wisdom she gained from loving a selfish and prideful beast like Vegeta. But unlike her who made a choice to love him without giving a damn whether the once atrocious Saiyajin prince would love her back– she envied Gohan because it was plain to see how much he meant to the sullen Namek. Even if it wasn’t yet determined if they were on the same page, she herself bore witness that what they had for each other was a powerful and unselfish kind of love that had withstood time and all its vicious trials. And sometimes, that’s all that mattered! To hell with the rest of the world!

“Son Goku is pure-hearted, yes. But he doesn’t have a single romantic bone in his body. You’re not like your father there. You’re sensitive and kind, and above all, you’re really smart. And I don’t mean tactical warfare kind of smart. I mean smart,  _here_.” Bloomer put a finger to his chest precisely over where his heart was encased. “I never once doubted that. Don’t waste time overthinking things or you’ll end up letting other people tell you what to be or whom to love. Believe me, regret is the worst ending to what could have been a happy story.”

“Bloomer-san…”

She moved to sit beside him and offered her shoulder as he shook and sobbed harder. Gohan was so grown up now, and yet like this, he felt like a five-year-old in her arms all over again.

“You know what I think you’re really afraid of?” Bloomer spoke up when his sobs began to die down a little. _“Happiness.”_

“…‘Happiness’?” Gohan sniffed meekly after some moments of hiccupping.

“Yes. Real happiness. And I don’t blame you. Because that is what all of us search for all our lives and mostly never find… But you didn’t just find it… It actually found you first.”

Gohan lifted his head, bleary eyes wide in unbridled shock, tears streaking down his cheeks.

“Finding that one thing that can make you truly happy can be the scariest thing in the world. Which is why, when we do find that happiness, the biggest mistake we could ever make is to run away from it. Don’t let anyone make you think even for one second that you don’t deserve it, Gohan-kun. Because _you do!_ You _both do._ If you can’t find the courage to do it for yourself, then do it for him.”

“For… him…” Gohan repeated calmly, softly.

Bloomer nodded with a small smile and waited patiently for Gohan to find his momentum.

“Go to him.”

“Bloomer-san!” The demi-Saiyajin heaved painstakingly, face grimacing in distress all over again. “The truth is– I did… something…  _really terrible_  to him… I- I don’t deserve to… be his friend anymore…! Much less–”

“Bull shit.”

Gohan hiccupped and stared at her, taken aback.

“If it boils down to the terrible things we’ve done, then none of us deserve diddlysquat! I’m willing to bet my entire company that he’s thinking the exact same thing right now– in fact, maybe he always has! That’s why he’s never felt like he could offer you much else but his devotion, _and his life!_ He loves you, Gohan-kun! Any one of us can attest to that! And knowing Piccolo, that’s the only way he knows how to show it! Are you telling me that all that he’s ever done doesn’t count for anything? That because of one or two, or maybe even a dozen horrible mistakes you’ve committed, he’ll stop loving you?! Because I sure as hell don’t see that coming!”

Gohan broke down completely at that, falling limply into the scientist’s embrace, snivelling and choking in so much pent-up anguish.

“Loving someone never comes with any guarantees.” Bloomer smiled at the irony of her words as she tenderly patted his head, hoping to alleviate his emotional burden somewhat. “If you really love someone, the best thing you can do for them is work for their happiness. But sometimes letting them know how you feel is the farthest you can go… And you’ll just have to let them work their way from there. So stop beating yourself up over it.

“You need to trust him, the way he trusts you.”

 

**-x-**

 

His most favourite book of all was set aside, reread for the umpteenth time, which was all the makings of a whimsical tragic romantic fairy-tale. And that was the last of what it took to break down his emotional dam, unleashing a maelstrom. Two years and a lifetime’s worth—truthfully, it felt much longer at times—of fear and pressure, surfaced full force to bear down on his heart with a gravitational pull innumerable times the Earth’s.

Fear of losing the one he cherished above all; and the pressure from having to constantly hide away his own needs and wants because they were at odds with most everyone’s expectations of him. It could be said that he finally snapped – something not so uncommon for a mind as intricate and sophisticated as his.

And so he drafted a letter, fresh tears seeping into sections of it; sealing with it tangible fragments of his bare heart. He inserted it into his favourite page of the said favourite book with a freshly picked blushing orange tulip, and carefully left it in its usual resting place by the window.

 

**-x-**

 

 

> _‘_ **_It is only with the heart that one can see rightly…’_ **
> 
> _My heart sees nothing else but your soul, and it blinds me with its radiance. It is, and has always been, my guiding light._
> 
> _‘_ **_What is essential is invisible to the eye…’_ **
> 
> _Though you came to me brandishing your thorns, all I ever saw was a beautiful flower. Perhaps it had been love from the very start but I was too naïve to know then._
> 
> _‘_ **_Of course, I love you. It is my fault that you have not known it all this time.’_ **
> 
> _I do not want to have any regrets. And I don’t want you to, either._ _I know it now, more than ever:_
> 
> _Piccolo-san no koto, aishiteiru. (I love you, Piccolo-san.)_
> 
> _More than a friend, more than my own life, and I daresay, even more than the whole world!_
> 
> _I love you._

**-x-**

 

“There is something in you two. I feel it. You two have a love that can change the world.”

“I’ve always known deep down… that he loves me… so much so, that it hurts! And that’s what makes it so hard…! Bloomer-san, what if I let him down? What if it’s wrong to want more? Before I could stop it, I’ve fallen so in love with him… I love him so much that I just know I’m willing to forego my own feelings and bear a lifetime of pain if it means I can keep him happily by my side…!”

_“How do you know he’s happy?"_

 

**-x-**

_“How sure are you, that he doesn’t want what you want? Piccolo may not be human, but from what I’ve seen, Nameks are perfectly sentient and emotional beings too. And yet, Piccolo has never really acted on anything selfishly ever since you happened to him… Gohan-kun, how sure are you… that_ **_you_ ** _are not his real happiness?_

_“Piccolo has always acted out of love for you. Ask yourself: Are you going to repay him by acting out of anything less?”_

**-x-**

 

The letter was a first. Absent of the abstract poetry or wordy affectations that though echoed his own sentiments were not his own. This time, he had made the intentions and desires of his heart perfectly and unmistakably clear in his own words. He didn’t even reread it, tired of all the cowardice and self-doubt it dredged up.

He left for school hastily, refusing to ponder on it the entire trip, only to be haunted by it minute after excruciating minute when he had sobered up somewhat upon arriving at school.

An overwhelming urge to cheat and fly home just to undo his deed kept overtaking him, but he knew it was too late; the moment he had stepped out of his room that morning, it had already been too late.

 

**-x-**

“Cleaning up your mess, I see…”

“Oh, it’s you.” Vegeta’s sudden presence popped Bloomer out of her contented little bubble. “Well, Chi-chi-san will probably kill me if she finds out what I did, but I don’t regret it. That boy deserves to be happy.”

“Who’s going to tell her?” smirked the Saiyajin prince. “Certainly not me.”

Bloomer smiled all the way to her heart. These were times when she was reminded of why she had come to love the cheeky Saiyajin so much.

 

**-x-**

As the clock ticked its minutes to hours and the moment of reckoning drew closer and closer, the fears of rejection and loss were beginning to choke him. His mind wandered constantly to his love confession by the windowsill surely at the hands of his intended recipient by now, a few hours before classes came to an end.

A feeble attempt at distraction was his chemistry notebook where he doodled listlessly while pondering the correlation between courage and impulse, and if there were any virtues at all in either of the two when it came to love confessions or resolving aches of the heart.

_What if true love was never meant to be resolved…?_

_What if that ache that we suffer so much for and yet still gladly hang on to with so much passion is what tells us that love is real…?_

**-x-**

 

 

> _You may be overjoyed at this, confused, or decide to walk out of my life for good… (The last would undoubtedly cause me immeasurable pain and suffering.) But know that I have not and never will regret a single time spent loving you, regardless of this letter’s outcome. I will forever cherish being allowed to be your friend, to hold your trust, to witness your smiles, and be loved by you. So, thank you, Piccolo-san! For everything._
> 
> _I implore you to tell me how you truly feel, whether it will make or break me. Your feelings mean everything to me because I love you, and I can promise you that much won’t change._
> 
> _Love always,_  
>  _Gohan_
> 
> _**PS:**_   _I hope you enjoy this book, it is my most favourite, and I’ve read it more times than I can count. I can’t help but be reminded of you every time I do._

**-x-**

 

Now as the end of the last school day of the week loomed near, his heart began to pound wildly in his chest, and his whole body thrummed in excitement.

It has been two years since he has paid his bestest friend a proper visit, but now… finally! _He was going to see Piccolo again!_ There were so many things he wanted to tell him, he didn’t know where to start! Like how he had grown a full fourteen inches and how he never stopped training each day… He was going to be sure to hug him tight, and let him know how he thought about him every single day, and how he missed him to death!

He pressed his hand to his breast pocket where he had secured his most recent treasure, the one with all the funny comments about his favourite book about a little prince and a fox and a rose…

But most importantly, it contained the most valuable words to him in the whole world then: _Piccolo’s reply to his love confession…_

 

**-x-**

 

 

> _**Dearest Gohan,** _
> 
> _**You are the reason I have come to love the sunrise.** _
> 
> _**You are the reason I see it at all.** _
> 
> _**I am not sure I understand everything there is to understand about love, but I am certain there is no one else in the world I have felt it for.** _
> 
> _**I love you. I always have.** _
> 
> _**Thank you for letting me love you. And thank you for loving me.** _
> 
> _**Yours truly,  
>  ** _ _**Piccolo** _

**-x-**

 

Gohan broke into a run and burst into flight; in a giddy haste to catch up with his heart which was already where Piccolo was.

_Where it always has been…_

_And always will be._

 

 **The End. (Not.)  
** (Continued in the next instalment episode of my  “A Bed of Tulips” series within Retroverse:  **“[Truer Than Love”](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6836320).** )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Gohan’s defragmented letter:**
>
>>   
>  My dearest Piccolo-sama,
>> 
>> I cherish our friendship more than anything in the world. I am ashamed to say that this letter was written out of fear. Fear of losing that friendship. But a greater fear of never having trusted you with my true feelings. And the longer I keep it a secret to preserve what beautiful thing we already have, the more I feel myself drifting away from you. A self-imposed rift driven by conflicts I can never hope to resolve on my own…
>> 
>> I need you, to know. Simply because you are my dearest and most treasured friend. You deserve to know.
>> 
>> **(*)“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly…”**  
>  My heart sees nothing else but your soul, and it blinds me with its radiance. It is, and has always been, my guiding light.
>> 
>> **(*)“What is essential is invisible to the eye…”**  
>  Though you came to me brandishing your thorns, all I ever saw was a beautiful flower. Perhaps it had been love from the very start, but I was too naïve to know then.
>> 
>> **(*)“Of course I love you. It is my fault that you have not known it all this time.”**  
>  I do not want to have any regrets. And I don’t want you to, either. I know it now, more than ever:
>> 
>> Piccolo-san no koto, aishiteiru. (I love you, Piccolo-san.)
>> 
>> More than a friend, more than my own life, and I daresay, even more than the whole world!
>> 
>> I love you. 
>> 
>> You may be overjoyed at this, confused, or decide to walk out of my life for good… (The last would undoubtedly cause me immeasurable pain and suffering.) But know that I have not and never will regret a single time spent loving you, regardless of this letter’s outcome. I will forever cherish being allowed to be your friend, to hold your trust, to witness your smiles, and be loved by you. So, thank you, Piccolo-san! For everything. 
>> 
>> I implore you to tell me how you truly feel, whether it will make or break me. Your feelings mean everything to me because I love you, and I can promise you that much won’t change.  
> Love always,  
> Gohan
>> 
>> **PS:** I hope you enjoy this book, it is my most favourite, and I’ve read it more times than I can count. I can’t help but be reminded of you every time I do
> 
> * * *
> 
> **(*) Quotes from Katherine Woods' translation of "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.** Piccolo's letter also alludes to parts of the book and the original French "Le Petit Prince" animated series.
> 
>  ***Kami no Shinden** – "God's Temple". I only retain Japanese terms and phrases that will lose something in translation. The "Kami" in "Kami no Shinden" is a play of words: "Kami" serves as a proper noun and also the common noun for "god").
> 
>  ***June novels** – True yaoi fans will get this without my elaboration, I presume? (*wink-wink*)[Read: [June Magazine](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_\(manga_magazine\)) (Wikipedia)] 
> 
> ***E.T.** – An old movie about the friendship between an extra-terrestrial and a little boy. (And no, it’s not a romance. That’s just Bloomer’s mind in the yaoi gutter, hehe.)
> 
>  ***Goku could be counted on** – I actually think Goku is wise enough in his own "wise-naïve" way to provide some guidance. But he is just too err- “absent” from Gohan’s life here to do so.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Personal Headcanons:**  
>    
>  o In my works, Bulma is called Bloomer. This is her correct name! (And yes, we want to be nerds about it. So sue us.)
> 
> o Vegeta speaks English with a quasi-British accent (sort of like the Vegeta of TFS).
> 
> x Bloomer does not smoke. She has never done so, and it’s illogical to develop such a vile habit during your later years, especially after you have a child too. (To my muse, this was a sell-out move in the canon.)
> 
> o We deliberately amended (or coda'd) the origin story of Saiyaman’s outfit. It’s not kosher that Bloomer’s fashion sense is discredited in this part of the canon-verse (another lame attempt at humour at the expense of the characters). She designs and builds things, and she has always dressed fine if not smashingly. She *can’t* *not* have an eye for these things.
> 
> o Gohan controls the SSJ form well until he used it in an actual fight. After Cell, it triggered a new dimension of his SSJ powers; with it, a thirst to surrender to it completely. This trying time made it more difficult for him to cope (as further augmented by his conflicted and chaotic emotions for Piccolo).
> 
> * * *
> 
> I've lost count how many times already (4?) but as of today (2018/02/19), this story underwent another round of proof-reading & minor revisions. Cheers! -Marie ||v^)b♥︎
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Disclaimer: Dragon Ball/Z/GT/Xenoverse/Super** /etc. belong to their respective owners. I own nothing except this derivative fanwork which I do not profit from.
> 
> * * *
> 
> (12/20/2015 - 03/20/2016)


End file.
